The Drago We__ite: No BS Allowed

Before a very forgettable viewing of the Michael Bay movie The Hitcher last night, we saw a trailer for a movie called Dead Silence. It looks to be about the ghost of a dead ventriloquist whose 100 dummies come to life to seek revenge. Apparently, all the victims get their tongues cut out if they scream when they see the ghost. It’s written and directed by the same guys as Saw so it should be worth checking out.

The Hitcher was stupid and pointless, but at least it had no less than four seperate scenes about car-flip-overs. Thanks Michael. You’re really making us confident that you aren’t going to ruin Transformers.

Lil’ Wayne is the best rapper alive. It’s a fact. It’s the the kind of undeniable fact that you should try to work into as many conversations as possible; it’ll make you look smart.

Oh, you don’t believe us? Don’t ask me how I know this, but there is a simple trick you can do to prove it to yourself.

The first step is to listen to Tha Carter 2. Then listen to DJ Drama Presents The Dedication 2. Then listen to all the features and remixes he’s done in the last year.

Still not convinced? Don’t ask me how I know this, but here is what you do. Go to your bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. It’s important that you look directly into your own eyes. Turn out the lights and repeat three times “Lil’ Wayne is not the best rapper alive.” Then turn the lights back on. When you turn the lights back on, continue looking into your own eyes in the mirror, that’s very important.

Don’t ask me how I know this, but after a few moments, you are going to start feeling like you are being watched. You will want to look away, but you must keep looking at yourself in the mirror.

Don’t ask me how I know this, but you are going to see something out of the corner of your left eye. Don’t look at it, I beg you! The shape is going to slowly grow larger, until it seems like it is just behind your shoulder, just out of your peripheral vision…

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AKA Autumn Reeser. Why do we like her?

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Vice is the coolest magazine that there is. It is a free monthly that is distributed primarily in Manhatten, but has subscribers all over the world. It is so cool, that there is an internet backlash which says that Vice is too hip or tries too hard. Whatever to all that, we still check their blog every day.

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Bourbon and Root Beer is a good alternative when you start getting tired of Bourbon and Coke. It has a familiar, yet novel taste. To make an analogy, Bourbon and Coke is to having sex with your girlfriend as Bourbon and Root Beer is to having sex with your girlfriend while she’s wearing (some component of) a Halloween costume, does that make sense? Or maybe she just recently put highlights in her hair or something?
Anyway, it’s also a good drink for weeknights when you are just chilling, because most Root Beers don’t have caffeine in them. That way you can drink a couple of them and then still go to sleep whenever you want to, without having to contend with the caffeine buzz, which is important if you are an adult and have to get up early in the morning every day.

While he may always be type-cast as “The Indian/Arab/Persian Guy,” Kal has tremendous range as an actor. From his bumbling virgin in Van Wilder to the vulgar stoner and reluctant genius in Harold and Kumar to the jihad-thirsty terrorist wannabe in the current season of 24, he is believable and natural in every role we have seen him in. Too bad he died in the first two hours.

That song Dead Wrong by Notorious B.I.G. and Eminem just came on our iPod’s random playlist. You know that part of the song where Big is talking about raping a bunch of people and he says something like “Cause I like them young, fresh and green, with no hair in between, know what I mean?” In the background, you can hear Puff Puff saying “I know what you mean.” We think that’s terrific.

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Pan’s Labyrinth is an awesome movie; It is unfortunate that a lot of people aren’t going to see it because of the way that it has been marketed. We had some impressions of what it was going to be like, which turned out to be completely false. First, the creature with eyes in his hands. This guy’s picture is in most of the reviews that we have seen online. His whitish-pink coloring and hands up by his head, which sort of look like floppy ears, remind us of Jar-Jar Binks. We assumed before seeing the movie that he would be some kind of jive-talking narrator who makes jokes like, maybe he’s holding a magic key for the girl and he says “I’ll keep my eye on it.” Wrong. The scene he is in is genuinely scary, it seems more like the intro to a level of Resident Evil than a fairy tale.

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Mike Judge’s Idiocracy is the most cynical and brave movie we’ve seen all year. The image above is the movie’s conception of the Fox News network in the year 2505. And this movie was produced by Fox.

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Erny is one of the few local SGs that we have not met yet. However, we are always happy to support locals in all their endeavors. So vote for her in whatever this video game thing is.